"You're married... Heck Yeah!!!"

We'd like to congratulate the most stunning bride, Seabrin, and her beau, Kyle, on their recent nuptials!  Yesterday was a gorgeous day here in Kansas City, and the ceremony was perfectly Seabrin with a few moments of comic relief sprinkled throughout.  At the reception that followed, we all had way too much fun on the dance floor and in the photo booth. It was a pretty perfect day.  Congratulations guys!

Welcome to the world...

... Baby Landon!!!

He arrived on July 12th, weighing in at 6 pounds and 14 ounces.  He couldn't be any sweeter, and all his "aunties" have already enjoyed plenty of snuggle time.  Congratulations Meghan and Mitch!

Adventure #16 - "This isn't booty shaking like you do in the club..."

In reality, we stayed very close to home this time; travelling only a few minutes drive from Alli's house, our meeting spot.  However, our adventure brought us to a foreign land and introduced us to a new, vibrant and mystical culture.

Literally, we were in a narrow, inadequately ventilated, interior room inside a Karate studio with elementary school-aged children practicing their "hi-yas" right outside our door.  But figuratively, we were in our womens' chambers in a Persian village with our banished-for-the-sake-of-modesty husbands right outside the door.

Any ideas???

Our latest adventure, planned by Amy (who is now back to partaking in adventures!) was a one-hour private introduction to BELLY DANCING class!

Our instructor, Maya, began the class by giving us a little history into belly dancing, and explanation of how she came to practice and teach the art.  It was immediately evident that she was very serious about her beloved dance.  She then asked us each to introduce ourselves to the group by stating our name and why we were interested in belly dancing.   I was the first one up, and tried to explain to her that we're all friends... "we're a club... we do different adventures every month... this month, Amy chose belly dancing."  Despite my best efforts, the "introductions" continued around the circle.

After "meeting" each other and confirming that we were all there for the same reason, we were treated to a "fast and fun" (our choice; the other being "slow and sensual") belly dance by Maya.  Girlfriend knows how to shake and shimmy!

Then it was time for us to start learning some moves!  We spread out around the room and formed a sort-of-circle.  Maya then taught us a series of basic moves, but was underwhelmed by our level of concentration and lack of seriousness.  Let's be honest, it's hard to focus when Alli is being awkward, and everything about belly dancing is awkward.  After practicing our moves in segmented intervals, we put all the steps together to create something like this:

Hip thrust, hip thrust, hip thrust, hip thrust, hip circle forward 2-3-4, back 2-3-4
Snake arms, snake arms, snake arms, snake arms, leg extension, leg extension, leg extenstion, leg extension, and shimmmmmmy
Toe touch forward, step, touch forward, step, touch forward, step, touch forward, step back, toe touch back, step back, touch back, step back

I have no idea what we looked like as a whole, but I'm guessing it resembled a hot mess.  Doesn't matter though, we did it!  And that's really all that counts!

The next few minutes of class we got to play with scarves, learn how to wrap ourselves up in them, and call it dancing.  Some of us were more successful at this than others, and some of us just needed a friend to dress us in our scarf (ahem, Lisa).  In the end however, we all looked like this...

For the record, the direction given was to uncover your face for this photo... we're not always the best listeners either

The last part of our introductory class involved the use of finger cymbals, as displayed by Amy...

For this, we essentially walked in a circle while gracefully and delicately clicking our cymbals in unison... yeah right!  There was no rhythm; only the loud and offensive sound of metal being recklessly beaten upon itself.  While cute, due to their miniature size, I'd have to say the cymbals were a fail as a group activity; potentially more marketable as a solo event.

And then, our hour was over before we knew it.  We scrambled to take the following photos, while Maya was shooing us towards the exit, and realized that while we are all happy that Amy is fully recovered, we miss having a full-time photographer available to document our adventures.  Jessi suggested that we need to induct a new member into the role of "Club Photographer."  We are now accepting applications.  :)

Jessi

Meagan

Lisa

Brandi

Alli

Amy

Seabrin

Destiny

Adventure #15 - "Just the tip..."

"May the odds be ever in your favor."  This was the clue we received from Jessi regarding the identity of our latest adventure, which definitely meant one of three things was about to happen.  1) We were going to be time-warped to a future dystopian world; 2) We were going to hunt each other to the death; or 3) We were going to devise and execute a plan to meet Jennifer Lawrence and make her our best friend.  While all of these possibilities would qualify as adventures, it turns out Jessi had planned an archery outing for us.  Who would have guessed??

The Femmes conquer archery

We found ourselves at an inconspicuously marked storage unit-esque facility in Olathe, also known as  KC Performance Archery and Range.  Despite the fact that they did not have record of our reservation, we had a pretty quick and easy check-in process... and we were assured by our host that he was going to "kick some ass" if/when he figured out who lost our reservation.

The venue

After checking in, we walked onto the indoor range... a large garage-type space with concrete floors, fluorescent lights, and a stash of (fake) animal targets in the corner.  Our instructor quickly ran through the fundamentals: 1) Hold the bow with your non-dominant hand; 2) Load the arrow, notching it on the bow's string in the gap provided between the finger grips; 3) Slightly flex your non-dominant elbow, so as not to be snapped by the string upon discharge of the arrow; 4) Using the three fingers of your dominant hand, pull back the bow's string to the corner of your mouth; 5) Aim and release.

The equipment

  

The "basic instruction course" that was included with our one-hour archery session lasted approximately two minutes... 90 seconds of which involved the instructor yelling at me, "Your mouth.  To the corner of your MOUTH!  THAT'S NOT YOUR MOUTH!!!"  Apparently, I was hesitant to pull the string to the appropriate depth.  Let me tell you, there's nothing like a strange man yelling in your ear to put you at ease while you're trying to become acquainted with the deadly weapon you're wielding.  Sheesh!  

Passing inspection

Anyway, after it was decided that we all "got it," we were left to our own devices...

It's hard to describe now, in this blog, why aiming was so difficult, but for some reason I just could not figure out where I was supposed to be looking and how I was supposed to be aiming.  The way the bow was configured, you could not look down the shaft of the arrow (as one might think would be the logical answer here) because a part of the bow was in the way.  This really threw me for a loop.  I asked the other girls how they were aiming and no one really had any direction to offer me.  I guess some of us just have Katniss-like instincts... and some of us definitely don't.

While we all had our share of near-misses, ricochets, long shots, and right-ons, Meagan and Lisa were definitely the most consistently accurate shooters, and once again, Lisa proves she is not one to mess with when weapons are involved!

Yes, those are styrofoam plate targets... only the best for us Femmes

After a few rounds of shooting at those menacing plates, Jessi's pleas of, "I want to shoot an animal!" were finally acknowledged and we were given permission to shoot at the grizzly bear.

Poor guy, doesn't know what's coming

After one round with the Femmes, the bear took hits in the hand, armpit, jugular, gallbladder, and courtesy of Jessi, right in the heart!!!

Below are a few photos, each depicting a story about a Femme from this adventure.  I've cropped the photos to highlight details that you may have missed on your own.  First up... poor Allison!  She had the roughest start to this adventure.  For the first several minutes, while all of her cohorts were sinking arrows into the target boards, all of her arrows were either falling short, or bouncing off.  Eventually, we decided that her target board had a few issues of it's own, and this was not entirely her fault, but before we made this discovery, we all had a good laugh at her expense.  At one point, Meagan turned to me and asked, "Why are all those arrows on the ground?"  My response... simply, "Alli."  To which Meagan replied, "Is she just tossing them out there?"  Love you, Alli!

In the original (top) photo, you may have missed that Alli's board is empty, while all the other boards have multiple arrows lodged within.   As I've so kindly highlighted, Alli's arrows are scattered on the floor.  

In this original (left) photo, you may not have noticed Jessi's infamous "talon" fingers, but in the cropped version, you can't miss 'em!  They're not only great for archery, but also for gripping beer bottles, getting tiny objects out of tight places, and stupid human tricks.

Here, on the left, you see a pretty girl, nice archery form, yes, she's wearing scrubs... but, on the right, you'll notice "The Stinky Pink!"  Seabrin's little pinky just didn't want to miss out on all the fun.  She didn't even realize that sneaky little guy was there until the end of our session when I pointed out she'd been using four fingers the whole time.

Ok, so this one you may have noticed on your own, but it was too good to not draw your attention to.  This is apparently what I look like after I shoot a very poorly aimed arrow, that may or may not have ended up on a different target board than my own.  Whoops.

Last, but not least, I wouldn't want you to miss Landon's message to the world, that you may not have noticed in the original photo on the left. :)

All in all, this was a relatively pain-free (compared to other recent adventures), quickly learned, easily perfected (for some), and enjoyable experience.  As I mentioned before, I believe that we all did pretty well, and in the end were happy with our individual performances.  

Let's be honest... the combination of seven strong female personalities, seven lethal instruments, an abundance of "ammo," and a lack of supervision, all within one confined space, has the potential for very bad consequences.  Luckily, all crises were averted, and another adventure goes down in the record books!

Seabrin

Lisa

Destiny

Alli

Jessi

Meagan

Meghan

Once again, Amy joined us and played the role of photographer as she has still not been cleared by her doctor to participate in our adventures.  Next adventure, she assures us, she will be back in the saddle!

Adventure #14- "Your pole is dreamy!!!"

This, our 14th adventure, will be long remembered for many reasons.  For starters, it was planned by our newest member, Seabrin, who jumped right in and took the reigns on this one way back in January.  She impressed us all on the night of her induction to the club, when she announced that she already had an idea and was wanting to plan an adventure as soon as possible.  She wanted to keep it a secret, but after a few too many clues, we all had it figured out... we'll get to that in a few.

This adventure will also be remembered as "The Adventure That Almost Wasn't."  With Snowmageddon III approaching the KC metro on the day of our planned activity, the early afternoon hours were filled with frantic phone calls and doppler maps.  Despite our uncertainty about the severity of the storm, and varying levels of snow anxiety amongst the Femmes, we decided to proceed.  In the end, the snow caused us little concern, but made me realize how lucky we have been to never have encountered inclement weather during any of our outdoor adventures.  I think Mother Nature is a FF fan.

So, back to the adventure itself... Seabrin's clues were that our Fearless Femmes shirts would be appropriate attire, pregnancy was not a dis-qualifier, and it would be more fun after a few drinks.  We all quickly guessed that it was pole dancing, and it turns out we were right!  (I think it's the implied loss of inhibition that drinking provides, that gave it away)  :)  Oh, and why do we care that you can do this activity while pregnant?  Because Meghan's pregnant!!!  While we've all known for a few months, I realized I have not yet acknowledged this fact on the blog.  Meghan will be welcoming a baby boy, named Landon, into the world in mid-July!  We are all so happy for her and impressed that she is still joining us for the adventures she is allowed to participate in.

Who said pregnancy isn't sexy?

After following Seabrin's advice and having those recommended drinks, we found ourselves at Pole Worx in KC's West Bottoms district.  We walked into our reserved private studio... a room with graffiti on the walls,  nine strategically placed metal poles, pink floors and a plush couch.  There was a stereo with a sign that read "Do Not Touch," on top of which Jessi spotted a box of bandaids and a can of Lysol... #poledancingnecessities

Our instructor, a petite, yet solid, red-head came in and began our one hour class.  First, stretching....

Next, the fundamentals: 1) Keep your hand high on the pole.  2) Count your steps around the pole.  All moves start with either two or three steps around the pole before moving into the trick.  3) Hook your ankles around the pole, not your whole body.  4) Drop your hip and let your body follow.  Do not jump.  5) There's NO jumping in pole dancing.  6) It hurts.  You will be bruised.  It's just part of it.

I'd love to know what Alli's thinking right about now

While our instructor was quite good at spinning around the pole, something was just a little off.  She failed to enamor us as some of our past instructors have.  It might have been the snow boots she was wearing.  Or maybe the fact that she was recovering from "three hernia repairs" #tmi.  Looking back, it's possible she could have been popping pain pills... due to said surgery, of course.  Or it could have been her unconventional words of encouragement... "You don't suck... bad."  Anyway, she taught us about five or six different spins.  I can't remember all of the names, but they included "The Fireman" and "Martini."

Seabrin swingin'

Destiny dancin'

Meagan and Meghan workin' it

Lisa and Jessi spinnin'

Alli sittin' :)

Although Alli had the hardest time staying in the air, and off the ground, during the first part of our lesson, she excelled at the floor routine....

As did Seabrin....

Our final mission was to hang upside down on the pole.  This required us to kick our legs up over our heads and throw ourselves backwards, in hopes of our legs catching the pole and thereby saving us from slamming onto the ground.  We already learned at last month's trapeze adventure that kicking our legs over our heads is not our strong suit, and this time there was no cushion below us to break our fall.  For these reasons combined, the group as a whole was minimally successful at completing this task.  I tried three times, but couldn't shake the mental image of my fragile skull hitting the hard floor, so I conceded.  Seabrin tried approximately 47 times and got thissssssss close, but couldn't seal the deal.  Meghan knew Landon wasn't interested in hanging upside down, so she sat this one out.  Lisa and Alli were also unsuccessful, but two of our Femmes were both fearless and flexible enough to make it rain!!!

Jessi schoolin' us all

Meagan makin' it look easy

It's like a flipbook, I love it

At the completion of our one hour class, we had an additional hour of studio time on our own for shenanigans and photo ops to master our new talents.  Take a look....

 ....don't worry, none of us plan to quit our day jobs.

So, what did we learn from this adventure?
1) Strippin' ain't easy
2) A triple hernia repair excludes you from being able to climb the pole
3) Pregnancy however, does not
4) If any one of us ever had to "dance" for a living... we would probably starve
5) There is a profound difference between "popping," "clapping," and "twerking" your booty
6) Don't confuse the difference
7) The right music is vital to successful pole dancing
8) Beauty and ideal body weight are not
9) It's good to be able to laugh at yourself
10) Our club is AWESOME!!!! But technically, we already knew that

Meghan

Jessi

Meagan

Destiny

Alli

Seabrin

Lisa

Amy was there too, as our cheerleader and photographer

We'll give her two photos so she doesn't feel left out... 

Still wearing her splint, we are hoping she will be able  to rejoin us soon!