Let's start from the beginning. I planned this one and sent the girls an email laced with specific words that were meant to serve as subtle clues to the identity of our adventure, such as "foil," "bout," "attack" and "knickers." Most of the girls (but, not all) figured out that we would be fencing! So, on this cold January night, we headed to Heartland Fencing Academy in Overland Park to channel our inner Zoro.
Our instructors were two animated Bulgarian sisters with thick accents, frank remarks and matching nylon jogging suits. They were quick to acknowledge that we were their first ever all-female private party, and were quite intrigued by the idea of our club. They especially liked our "Fearless Femmes" shirts and the uniformity of our attire. After signing waivers, we headed into the gym and lined up side by side, facing a mirrored wall. Emilia, the alpha sister, led us through a series of postures and basic movements.
We began with "en garde," which basically means "get ready" or "assume a defensive position." For this posture we stood with our heels shoulder width apart and our toes pointed out to create a 90 degree angle with our dominant foot pointing straight ahead of us. Our dominant arms were extended in front (as if we were holding a weapon, but we weren't) and our non-dominant arms/hands were loosely flung behind us. We looked like this... although personally, I think my left hand was less claw-like and more limp noodley...
From here, we moved on to "advance" which is the "basic forward movement in fencing," according to Wikipedia. I'd like to point out that basic is a relative term; in my opinion, refined or precise would be a better adjective. The short and sweet version is... you step forward with your dominant foot, landing on the heel, and then bring the other foot up to recreate the 90 degree angle from before (en garde). The next lesson was "retreat" which is the "basic backwards movement"; rear foot reaches back, front leg pushes body weight back to en garde.
Once we had all the fancy footwork down, we got to wield shiny metal weapons, called foils, and practice "lunge"; it's performed just like you would imagine and is "the most basic and common attacking movement in modern fencing"... again, according to the Wikipedia author whom I can't help but feel is talking down to me personally. We practiced lunge by attacking targets that were fastened on the wall, and then divided into pairs to learn the final piece of the process..."parry," which Wikipedia defines as "a simple defensive action designed to deflect an attack." Lunge and parry look like this...
Once we had learned all of the moves we were basically turned loose to go at it one-on-one, with the instruction to aim for each others' torsos. Jessi was my partner and every time I lunged at her, I would stop short of making contact with her body, hesitate, and then gently poke her with the tip of my foil. She kept laughing at my facial expressions, which I'm sure reflected guilt and uncertainty every time I lunged at her, and then helplessness and unwarranted fear every time she lunged at me. I struggled with both plunging a weapon into my friend's chest and standing by and letting her do the same to me. I screwed up several of her lunges by retreating when I was supposed to let her strike me. I'm sorry, it's a natural reaction! Fight or flight. I choose flight.
... unless you are us, in which case lunge looks more like this...
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| In case you can't tell, that's Alli, Meagan, Seabrin, Lisa, Jessica, Destiny, Jessi, Amy |
Oh yeahhhh. We were rockin' those outfits which were reminiscent of an adult diaper, a straitjacket, a floral bodysuit circa 1994, a snowman, the Michelin man, and I'm sure many more flattering things I've since forgotten. In addition to the jacket and mask we had on chest armor and a glove... just one.
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| Here Seabrin is modeling her own version of "under armor" |
After being paired up with Jessi for a while, we switched partners and I was paired with Alli. Alli's left-handedness threw a whole new slew of wrenches into my system. Luckily, our partnership was short lived, as I had to excuse myself "for a bathroom break" <wink, wink>, leaving Alli temporarily without a partner. During that time, Emilia had an "advanced fencing professional" <wink, wink> join our group and asked Alli to partner with him. Alli was reluctant to spar against a "professional," and then was COMPLETELY SHOCKED when said "professional" got down on one knee, took off his mask and turned out to be her boyfriend... with a ring... and a question!!! Yep, this is when this adventure became VERY memorable. Ryan proposed; Alli said "yes"... after "Are you serious?"... and we were all there to witness it! It was perfect. To see the proposal video, visit:
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| So so fun and so happy for these two awesome people! |
I helped Ryan with the planning of the proposal and I think I was at least as nervous as he was... if not more. Unfortunately, I don't have as many memorable quotes or anecdotal stories to share about this adventure because ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT THE ENTIRE TIME WAS THE PROPOSAL!!! Jessi was the only other Femme who knew about it ahead of time, so it worked out well that she was my partner, as she understood my state of mind. I am 100% certain I would not have gotten off as easy with some of the other girls. Amy turned to me in the middle of our lesson and said, "I looooove this!" and when I told her about my hesitations with "stabbing" Jessi, she said, "Oh. I didn't have that problem."
Luckily, we all walked away unscathed, AND with another Femme amongst us!! That's Memorable Adventure, Part 2! We initiated a new member to our club! Jessica Rose-Reneau, aka "The JAP," started working with us at the hospital several months ago. It didn't take long for her to realize she wanted to be a Femme, and for us to realize we wanted her even more! For her initiation, she was asked to compose an original rap and performed it for us that night... in the parking lot, of course.
Here's a portion of the lyrics (to the tune of "Fancy" by Iggy Azalea):
I'm so fearless
I should be a Femme
We'll have adventures
The fun will never end
I'm so fearless
Gonna be a Femme
All nine are fabulous
And this girl makes 10
That's just the chorus. She actually rewrote the entire song. Needless to say, we were all awestruck. And if all of that wasn't enough, the party continued at Gordon Biersch where Alli and Ryan's families joined us to help them celebrate!
THERE'S GONNA BE ANOTHER FEARLESS WEDDING!!!!!
