"May the odds be ever in your favor." This was the clue we received from Jessi regarding the identity of our latest adventure, which definitely meant one of three things was about to happen. 1) We were going to be time-warped to a future dystopian world; 2) We were going to hunt each other to the death; or 3) We were going to devise and execute a plan to meet Jennifer Lawrence and make her our best friend. While all of these possibilities would qualify as adventures, it turns out Jessi had planned an archery outing for us. Who would have guessed??
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| The Femmes conquer archery |
We found ourselves at an inconspicuously marked storage unit-esque facility in Olathe, also known as KC Performance Archery and Range. Despite the fact that they did not have record of our reservation, we had a pretty quick and easy check-in process... and we were assured by our host that he was going to "kick some ass" if/when he figured out who lost our reservation.
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| The venue |
After checking in, we walked onto the indoor range... a large garage-type space with concrete floors, fluorescent lights, and a stash of (fake) animal targets in the corner. Our instructor quickly ran through the fundamentals: 1) Hold the bow with your non-dominant hand; 2) Load the arrow, notching it on the bow's string in the gap provided between the finger grips; 3) Slightly flex your non-dominant elbow, so as not to be snapped by the string upon discharge of the arrow; 4) Using the three fingers of your dominant hand, pull back the bow's string to the corner of your mouth; 5) Aim and release.
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| The equipment |
The "basic instruction course" that was included with our one-hour archery session lasted approximately two minutes... 90 seconds of which involved the instructor yelling at me, "Your mouth. To the corner of your MOUTH! THAT'S NOT YOUR MOUTH!!!" Apparently, I was hesitant to pull the string to the appropriate depth. Let me tell you, there's nothing like a strange man yelling in your ear to put you at ease while you're trying to become acquainted with the deadly weapon you're wielding. Sheesh!
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| Passing inspection |
Anyway, after it was decided that we all "got it," we were left to our own devices...
It's hard to describe now, in this blog, why aiming was so difficult, but for some reason I just could not figure out where I was supposed to be looking and how I was supposed to be aiming. The way the bow was configured, you could not look down the shaft of the arrow (as one might think would be the logical answer here) because a part of the bow was in the way. This really threw me for a loop. I asked the other girls how they were aiming and no one really had any direction to offer me. I guess some of us just have Katniss-like instincts... and some of us definitely don't.
While we all had our share of near-misses, ricochets, long shots, and right-ons, Meagan and Lisa were definitely the most consistently accurate shooters, and once again, Lisa proves she is not one to mess with when weapons are involved!
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| Yes, those are styrofoam plate targets... only the best for us Femmes |
After a few rounds of shooting at those menacing plates, Jessi's pleas of, "I want to shoot an animal!" were finally acknowledged and we were given permission to shoot at the grizzly bear.
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| Poor guy, doesn't know what's coming |
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| After one round with the Femmes, the bear took hits in the hand, armpit, jugular, gallbladder, and courtesy of Jessi, right in the heart!!! |
Below are a few photos, each depicting a story about a Femme from this adventure. I've cropped the photos to highlight details that you may have missed on your own. First up... poor Allison! She had the roughest start to this adventure. For the first several minutes, while all of her cohorts were sinking arrows into the target boards, all of her arrows were either falling short, or bouncing off. Eventually, we decided that her target board had a few issues of it's own, and this was not entirely her fault, but before we made this discovery, we all had a good laugh at her expense. At one point, Meagan turned to me and asked, "Why are all those arrows on the ground?" My response... simply, "Alli." To which Meagan replied, "Is she just tossing them out there?" Love you, Alli!
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| In the original (top) photo, you may have missed that Alli's board is empty, while all the other boards have multiple arrows lodged within. As I've so kindly highlighted, Alli's arrows are scattered on the floor. |
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| In this original (left) photo, you may not have noticed Jessi's infamous "talon" fingers, but in the cropped version, you can't miss 'em! They're not only great for archery, but also for gripping beer bottles, getting tiny objects out of tight places, and stupid human tricks. |
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| Here, on the left, you see a pretty girl, nice archery form, yes, she's wearing scrubs... but, on the right, you'll notice "The Stinky Pink!" Seabrin's little pinky just didn't want to miss out on all the fun. She didn't even realize that sneaky little guy was there until the end of our session when I pointed out she'd been using four fingers the whole time. |
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| Ok, so this one you may have noticed on your own, but it was too good to not draw your attention to. This is apparently what I look like after I shoot a very poorly aimed arrow, that may or may not have ended up on a different target board than my own. Whoops. |
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| Last, but not least, I wouldn't want you to miss Landon's message to the world, that you may not have noticed in the original photo on the left. :) |
All in all, this was a relatively pain-free (compared to other recent adventures), quickly learned, easily perfected (for some), and enjoyable experience. As I mentioned before, I believe that we all did pretty well, and in the end were happy with our individual performances.
Let's be honest... the combination of seven strong female personalities, seven lethal instruments, an abundance of "ammo," and a lack of supervision, all within one confined space, has the potential for very bad consequences. Luckily, all crises were averted, and another adventure goes down in the record books!
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| Seabrin |
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| Lisa |
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| Destiny |
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| Alli |
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| Jessi |
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| Meagan |
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| Meghan |
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| Once again, Amy joined us and played the role of photographer as she has still not been cleared by her doctor to participate in our adventures. Next adventure, she assures us, she will be back in the saddle! |
